Are Women Keeping Tabs on Their Men or Is It That They Are Simply Checking Up on Them?

Do you know that 70% of women keep tabs or check on their men? If you didn’t know now you know. Some of the women claim that they are not actually keeping tabs on their men, but they are only concerned about their wellbeing and are only checking up on them.

The whole issue of ladies checking up on their men/boyfriends, as they claim, has become a heated point of discussion nowadays. There are variant reasons why this is happening. These reasons can be put into two categories: What women say as well as what men say regarding the same.

I have dedicated today’s article to explore on this social issue which is threatening to break many relationships and marriages.

In fact, women will do the following things in effort to check on their men:

Check their spouse’s Facebook accounts

Read their spouse’s cell phone messages

Check their spouse’s trouser and shirt pockets for any documents

Inspecting signs of any mysterious cologne

Investigate any change in behavior e.g. failure to eat food at night.

Well, let’s look at different arguments around this development.

A. What do women allege?
Women will check or keep tabs on their men due to the following reasons.

i. Because of Love.
According to 60% of women, they are not keeping tabs on their men as most men claim, but they are only checking up on their loved ones. They do this out of love. In fact, a famous R&B musician from the United States of America (USA), put it in his song that, “when a woman loves she loves for real.”

Women argue that they feel contented when they check on their men. Most of these women pose a question of, “If I don’t check-up on him, who will?” In other words, if they don’t check on them, someone else will do.

Because of the love, they have for their men or boyfriends; they can’t help it but check on how they are progressing. So, it’s not that they are keeping tabs on them as majorities are claiming.

ii. Insecurity developed by their spouses’ behavior.
Some women argue that they check on their men to ensure that they are safe because they feel insecure every time they are not together. The insecurity is brought by the fact that, men involve themselves with diverse activities as they hustle for their family as well as when unwinding. As a result, they may fall victim of some horrible acts. This makes their women check on them to ensure that they are secure wherever they are at any given time.

On the other hand, some men are drunkards; as a result, they fall victim of terrible situations like being involved in an accident or even being charged by the authority for drinking and driving (a breach of traffic rules). Having helped their men from some of these situations in the past makes women have the fear that their spouses might fall victim again. For this reason, they will always check on them to ensure they are safe.

iii. Lack of trust
Some ladies argue that they are forced to keep tabs or check on their men due to lack of trust. They note that some men are very promiscuous and can’t be trusted. The fear of their men getting involved with other women makes them keep checks. If men want their women to stop checking on them, then they should enhance trust by being faithful.

B. What do men say?
According to men, the following are reasons why some women keep tabs on their men or check on them as they claim.

I. Because of insecurity.
Some men argue that most women keep tabs on their men because they are insecure. They claim that there is a famous adage that has emerged and it is affecting the way most of they relate with their men. According to the adage, “A man is yours only when you are with him.” The majority of women tend to believe this adage so much that, they are constantly calling their spouse claiming that they are checking on them.

What men forget is that they are the cause of this insecurity. The way men behave when they are away from their spouses builds a lot of insecurity. When women feel secure, they develop trust and they will not keep tabs or check on their men now and then.

ii. Because of she has been hurt in the past
There is a group of men, who claim that women, who keep tabs on their men, have been hurt before. They are afraid that the same horrible things might happen again in their current relationship or marriage. The fear of her present man for example cheating on her causes the lady to constantly call her man. A woman does everything she can to make sure that she doesn’t go through similar predicaments like she had before. Men should treat their spouses well and they can rest assured that they will not disturb them with continuous calls throughout the day.

iii. Lack of trust
Lack of trust according to men is a cause of constant calls from their spouses. They claim that their spouses’ lack of trust causes them to disturb them with “unnecessary calls.”

Wrapping-up
Trust is an integral part of a relationship as well as marriage. Lack of trust results in the change in behavior and is a major reason women tend to monitor their spouses, for example, browsing their spouse’s cell phone to check messages. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with a lady checking up on her man. It only shows that she cares about him and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him.

Men should realize that their women check on them but they don’t keep tabs on them. However, if it is necessary, because of the man’s change in behavior, the women will do it. She keeps tabs on her man since she loves him and feels insecure when he is away.

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Parts That Must Be Severed

The membership of many of the large traditional denominations is seriously declining, but the numbers on the books look worse. The problem is that many people are no longer involved and are only part of the church in name. I’ve often suggested that churches should return members’ certificates of membership and that they should “re-apply” to join the church. Churches will probably never do something like that, because they may be afraid to see the real picture. It may sound extreme, but this exercise will soon show who the missionaries are and who the mission field.

There are many people among us who know who God is. They know the difference between right and wrong, but they live the largest part of their lives as if they are in control. They live as if life is about them and no one and nothing else. And it is only when things go wrong that they turn to God for help.

Paul is very serious about how you should act towards such people: 11… you shouldn’t make yourselves at home among the sexually promiscuous. And in verse 12 he continues to say: 12… You can’t just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior. That sounds a bit too much to me. I can’t bring myself to push people away and wait for God to judge them! However, it is important to purify the church of Christ. As soon as there is a bad spot in the apple, the rest is soon infected. Therefore, it is good to cut off dead branches, to make space for new, vigorous branches.

The church must distinguish between those who are really children of God and those who are going in the wrong direction. People look to the church for guidance and when they see people who say they are Christians, but who are promiscuous and crooked, they think this is how a child of God may live. This is a wrong picture that damages God’s kingdom. And that is why it is so important that the conduct of people who say they are children of God should be in line with what they say.

Therefore, it is important for all of us who say we are children of God to look in the spiritual mirror to make sure that what we do is in line with what we say. When friends look to us for guidance will our behaviour help them come closer to God, or push them further in the wrong direction?

Paul is very serious about this: Discard what is wrong in your life. Leave it behind, because it acts as a handbrake and keeps you from flying. Sin moves easily through your spiritual life like a germ and before you know it, it has spread throughout your life. Therefore, we have to make sure that we leave no space anywhere in our lives for wrong-doing. We must eradicate all of it.

God has so many blessings for us, but in a way the sin inside us prevents the blessings from pouring over us. God wants prosperity and success for you. He wants you to be free and joyful all the time. But the sin inside you is like a heavy stone burdening you and preventing you from jumping for joy. Without us realising it the rot sets in with the cash you take under the table, or telling the below-the-belt joke, or the pictures you look at on your screen, or whatever it is you’re doing behind the scenes. Break away from it, make plans to get rid of the rot.

Then we will be able to show those who are Christians only in name what it means to live in God’s grace. Then they will see what it means to overflow with peace and joy. They will also want to change and eventually come back and no longer be rot that infects the whole community!

Reflection

Can other people look at what you do to see how believers do it?

What is the rot in your life?

How can you get rid of it?

Bible Reading

1 Corinthians 5:9-13

Prayer

Lord, You know what makes me fall. You know that I have wanted to get rid of it for a long time. I don’t want to do it anymore. One by one I bring these things to You. Please help me to put up guards to prevent me from doing it again. I want to be a powerful example so that when people look at me and my actions, they will see precisely how a child of God should live. Amen

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Women Who Hate Other Women

(In this article, I am using the term mother– however; it can be equally exchanged to refer to the primary female caretaker in your family.)

Have you ever wondered to yourself, “why do women hate each other?”

Teenage girls ask the question why do girls hate me?

Women who hate other women at the deepest level of their subconscious have unresolved conflicts with their mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or female caretakers who abandoned, abused, or neglected them emotionally, psychologically, and/or physically. Little girls raised by emotionally unstable mother figures never learn how to love and/or trust other women. However, please remember that it is challenging and difficult for a mother to raise her daughter to love and respect; women if she has not learned this lesson herself.

Society put so much pressure on mothers to be perfect, unlike fathers. There are saying such as, “As precious as a mother’s love” or “The child has a face that only a mother could love.” People tell “Your Mama” jokes because the expectations for fathers are so low that there is nothing funny or hurtful that anyone could say about fathers that would cause an emotional response. When athletes accomplish an amazing fete or entertainers accept awards, they acknowledge their mothers. Mothers receive all the glory and blame for how their children’s lives ultimately turn out.

Society put women on an unrealistic pedestal that cause women to strive for an illusion of perfection that is humanly impossible. And when this hefty emotional and social goal is not met, we learn to hate and blame other women – and subconsciously ourselves.

It is very common to hear women say, “I don’t trust women!” “Females are fake.” Women declare that other women are treacherous, two-faced, backstabbers, who sleep with other women’s boyfriends and husbands. Women brag about hating other women and not having females as best friends because women are competitive, devious, and jealous-hearted. What women do not realize is that all women are connected to the collective consciousness of feminine energy… and therefore-deep down inside they have the same negative thoughts about themselves.

10 Primary Reasons Women Hate Other Women:

1. Mothers in Abusive Relationships

Girls raised in homes with psychologically unstable mothers who attract abusive relationships with men tend to have a difficult time establishing healthy relationships with men and women. The mother is indirectly teaching her daughter that she is worthless and unlovable when the mother allows a man to verbally, emotionally, and/or physically abuse her. The mother is a role model to her daughter and she is indirectly teaching her how to allow men to treat her in a relationship. Additionally, in many homes riddled with domestic violence, the man may also abuse the children. When children do not feel protected, safe, loved, and respected by their caregivers they have difficulty developing healthy relationships with other people throughout their lives.

2. Mothers who are Promiscuous

Women raised in homes with mothers perceived as being promiscuous may find it challenging to trust other women due to the double standard regarding male and female sexuality. Women and men alike are more likely to judge critically the women’s role in having an affair with a married man than blaming the husband for cheating. People learn to see themselves through the eyes of other people. Little girls see themselves as reflections of their mother, if people view their mother as being a whore, slut, or tramp-the daughter begins to identify with this persona-even if it’s incorrect. In turn, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. She would rather be the man-stealing woman who is the predator– than the supposed unattractive, angry, victim-woman at home who couldn’t keep her man faithful. Both are negative personas of femininity and womanhood that make it difficult for women to establish loving and supportive relationships with each other.

3. Mothers who Fail to Protect their Daughters from Sexual Predators

Little girls who are molested or sexually abused by family members, step-fathers, biological fathers, boyfriends, or close family members and neighbors have a tendency to blame their mothers for failing to protect them from the abuser. Even if it’s not the mother’s fault-and she is not aware that her child is being sexually abused– many children still feel that their mothers failed to recognize behavior changes that indicated some type of trauma had taken place.

Women are expected to see the unseen and know the unknowable. And when they fall to recognize the pain, shame, and fear hidden behind their children’s eyes, buried underneath their souls-society’s psychologists, therapists, and counselors first question is: “Did you tell your mother?” The question is loaded with accusatory implications of: if your mother doesn’t know was she such a “bad mother” that you couldn’t tell her? Your relationship with your mother still comes into question as contributing to your emotional health and overall wellbeing.

4. Mothers who have Negative for Poor Body Image

Mothers, who hate their bodies, have negative or poor body image, or who are obsessed with looking youthful tend to have daughters who learn to feel the exact same way about their bodies. Children learn to love themselves through their parent’s eyes. If a mother doesn’t like her nose, and her daughter feels that she has the same nose as her mother-the little girl learns from her mother that something is wrong with her nose as well. That she is not beautiful-not good enough–unless she changes her nose.

Spiritual growth plays out through the human DNA. For example, if a mother hates her body size and has cosmetic surgery to alter her appearance-her DNA code may still express itself through her daughter. What will she say to her daughter who is trying diet after diet– but continues to fail to be a size that she was never born to be? The love or hate that we feel about ourselves is boldly displayed through our children.

Even if our children are not born from our bodies they still carry the DNA from their mother’s souls. The way their mothers look into their eyes, cuddle with them, caress them, kiss them, feed them, take care of them, read to them, tell them how much they love them or not-this is what encodes children’s internal behavior for self-love, self-worth, and self-esteem.

5. Mothers who are Flirtatious

Mothers who are flirtatious with their daughter’s boyfriends, father’s friends, or who seem to thrive on being the center of male attention sometimes cause young women to believe that they are unworthy, unimportant, and invisible unless their self-worth is validated by a man. The daughters learn to objectify themselves and see their own self-worth, self-esteem, and feminine-value by how much attention is “paid” to her by men.

6. Mothers who are Competitive with and Jealous of their Daughters

Some mothers display behaviors that may indicate that they are jealous and envious of their daughter’s youth and beauty. Girls who grow up in homes with mothers who are competitive with their daughters by wearing the same clothes, makeup, i.e. fashion in general; who brag about being a smaller size, or try to dress and act like a teenager instead of an adult woman– raise daughters who feel insecure about their femininity and physical beauty.

7. Mothers who are Emotionally Distant and Non-Affectionate

Mothers who withhold affection, who are emotionally distant or critical tend to raise daughters who struggle with relationships with female authority figures. They will find themselves being people-pleasers; subconsciously seeking the approval of their nothing is ever-good-enough mothers. Women who hate women in this category have the most problematic relationship with other women because they love and hate their mothers equally. These mothers tend to be perfectionists who demand that their daughters chew with their mouths closed; never spill ketchup on their dress; and always sit with their legs closed. The perfectionist mother gives her daughter everything that she needs financially and physically–the only thing that she is incapable of giving her daughter is unconditional love and acceptance.

8. Mothers who did not get along with their own Mothers

Mothers who have tumultuous relationships with their own mothers have a tendency to have antagonistic relationships with their daughters. If the mother was not raised in a family where she was taught how to get along with other women-this may simply be a social skill that she is lacking. In some families, women refer to each other as bitches and other derogatory names. They physically abuse each other… slapping, biting, pulling hair. Wear each other’s clothes and shoes without permission. All of these behaviors are perceived as being “normal”. They have been conditioned to believe that this is just how women are supposed to get along.

When women have daughters this is when the universe is giving them an opportunity to reassess what it means to be a woman– to be a part of a sisterhood that has been oppressed for centuries. They are being asked to take stock of the assets and liabilities of the paradigm of womanhood and femininity for the next generation of girls.

Mothers need to look deep within their souls and ask themselves the tough questions:

  1. What changes can I make in myself that will give my daughter(s) opportunities that I never had?
  2. In what ways have I not truly loved and respected myself that may be reflected back to me through the eyes of my little girl?
  3. What did I love about the relationships with the women in my family?
  4. What do I hate about the relationship with the women in my family?

Their relationship with their mother could be strained for any of the reasons mentioned in this article or various other reasons. But the most important reason is that the mother lacks a role model of what healthy relationships look like between women.

9. Mothers who put their Daughters up for Adoption

Women who were placed for adoption tend to resent their mothers but not their fathers. I had a client who was adopted tell me; “How can I expect anyone else in this world to love me if the woman who carried me inside of her body for nine months, pushed me out of her vagina–looked at me as an innocent newborn baby-and still decide that she did not love or want me.” She sobbed for 10 minutes or more after saying this. Her pain made my heart ache.

The biological responsibility that Mother Nature has given to women to protect, nurture, and raise the human soul is a spiritual mission that many women in modern society have abandoned.

10. The Mainstream Media discourage Mothers and Daughter from getting along.

Sometimes the mainstream media portray teenage daughters and middle-aged mothers as natural enemies-one is emerging into her “idealistic portrayal” of fertility and mainstream beauty and the other exiting. There are many mothers and daughters who are very close who describe their relationships as being “abnormal” because middle-aged women and teenage girls are not supposed to get along.

Some women are just playing out an indirect expected social pattern of behavior that they believe is normal. However, once they get together and really communicate, many mothers and daughters learn that they have more in common with each other than not in common. And they truly enjoy each other’s company.

Sometimes we forget the social media thrives on conflict. Movies and televisions shows will be boring without antagonists. Advertisers need women to feel unbeautiful and old in order to sell makeup, fashion, and hair care products. Women are being conditioned to believe that they are in competition with each other-mothers against daughters, sisters against sisters- and so forth.

Imagine this:

Through the beginning of human history billions of women have been hurt, beaten, beheaded, raped, shunned, molested, abused, over-looked, denied opportunities, oppressed, put-down, unloved, and unappreciated for you to exist in this very moment in time.

No matter what her race, nationality, creed, or religion is silently thank her and give her the voice she never had. You are the breathing reality of her dream. You are her little girl that she wanted to keep safe-but couldn’t. You are her sister who has bravely carried the torch of humanity from the trenches of male domination and oppression through the womb of hope, faith, and grace.

Honor her by promising to salute silently the divine goddess in every woman you meet. In your own way, send her love, light, and forgiveness. Acknowledge the oneness in all women around the world. Honor, cherish, and celebrate the collective sisterhood of humanity. Keep it simple. Keep it honest. Keep it authentic.

Dr. Cassandra George Sturges MA, MA, is a full-time psychology professor, mother of two adult children; creator of the Jungle Beauty Goddesses book and YouTube series; author of “A Woman’s Soul on Paper” ISBN: 0595171435; The Illusion of Beauty: Why Women Hate Themselves & Envy Other Women; Success & Beauty is an Attitude: A Woman’s Guide to finding herself and making her dreams come true.

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How to Help a Child Who Has a Parent in Jail

When a parent is arrested for a minor infraction or misdemeanor, it is not likely that they will be sentenced to any long-term jail time, or any jail time at all (other than the few hours they spend in county jail waiting to post bail). This is even truer for those who hire an experienced criminal lawyer to defend their charges. So in cases like this, it is easier for adults to hide an arrest or over-night detention of a parent from children. Many find that a simple tall tale to protect kids will do, like “daddy took a vacation”, or “mommy is on a business trip.”

Of course older children are keener to these fibs, so the truth may be the better option unless one can think of a more plausible (but still fictional) explanation for their parent’s temporary absence. And once mom or dad posts bail and returns home, life can go on as usual without the children ever knowing about their parent’s DUI or drug possession charge.

But when a parent is arrested for a crime that results in long-term jail time or imprisonment, a simple tall tale won’t be necessary. This is because a cover-up story for their parent’s situation won’t change the fact that the child will experience a significant sense of loss. In these scenarios, it is important to focus on helping the child cope. Continue reading for tips to do just that.

Dealing With Loss

Children go through grief in different ways, regardless of their age. Common emotions or behaviors include sadness, anger, resentment, lonesomeness, depression, and even substance abuse or promiscuity. Some children might even act out, and wind up in trouble with school or the law. Whether you are the other paternal parent, legal guardian, god parent, or close relative, it is important to look for any cues from children and teens who have a parent doing time. And keep in mind that kids do not express feelings like adults do; not only can their individual cues be difficult to perceive, they will most likely differ among siblings. For this reason, it is essential to pay close attention to every siblings’ emotions and behaviors within the first year of their parent’s incarceration.

Helping Them

The best way you can help a child who has a parent serving a long-term jail sentence is to be a good listener. Listen without judgement, and encourage them to talk about their feelings and how they change from day-to-day. When you generously listen, and listen without judging or “diagnosing“, children feel like they have a safe place to fall, which in turn keeps them open and honest with you about their experience. This allows you to better protect them from being a danger to themselves, and guide them in the right direction. But aside from listening, there are several other ways you can be supportive as well.

Remember that what may seem like an ordinary or even happy day can actually be a stressful or painful time for a child. Days of jail visits, holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries can bring about emotions that sadden or agitate them. So on days like these, being extra aware of their feelings is important. Simply reminding them that they are not alone, and never will be, can make them feel safer, more relaxed, and loved.

Another helpful deed you can do for a child with a jailed parent is to provide them with a means of professional therapy or grief counseling. This gives them a platform to discuss their feelings with an unbiased party that is not a superior to them. And licensed mental health counselors are trained in several types of therapeutic strategies and processes that promote healing and healthy growth for grieving children of all ages. You can even find local support groups in churches, schools, and other places within the community.

One of the biggest mistakes people unknowingly make is speaking poorly or negatively about a jailed parent in front of a child. It is important to never “bad-talk” a jailed parent for the sake of the children. No matter how angry you are, or how much you disprove, this habit can cause mental anguish and confusion for kids. Keep in mind that they love their parent no matter what, and wants to think of them as a good person.

Lastly, be prepared to answer all their questions, and be patient when answering them. It is best to be as honest as possible without alarming or scaring them. So practice if you have to.

Call Woods Bail Bonds at 317-876-9600 to bail a person out of jail in Indianapolis, Indiana. They have more than 30 years of experience in the industry, allowing them to provide fast and secure released from most county jails throughout the entire state! Their agents offer a wide range of services including 24 hour bail bonds, and right now, they are even offering them at an 8% rate! Call 317-876-9600 to learn more, today.

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King Henry VIII and His Six Miserable Wives

What comes to your mind when you hear “Henry VIII?” Perhaps, he became King of England centuries ago who married six women and beheaded all of them. Actually, he beheaded only two of his wives, but beheaded thousands of people during his reign. But, how and why did he marry so many times?

Henry VIII was arguably England’s most infamous king, and one of the worst monarch who had ever ruled. Historians have used the most unfavorable adjectives to describe this Medieval English ruler, such as: wife-murderer, tyrant, obsessive, greedy, self-indulgent, and gluttonous. What was most important to Henry, like most kings throughout history, was to marry to solidify political alliances, gain status, wealth, land, and, especially, to produce a male heir. Henry VIII did not marry to be a happily wedded man. As his six wives could testify, Henry was an intolerable husband.

Henry began his life as a husband in 1509 when he was eighteen years old. He married Catherine of Aragon who was the youngest daughter of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain, as well as husband to Henry’s deceased brother. While this marriage lasted twenty-four years and solidified ties between England and Spain, Catherine was expected to have a son to succeed Henry as the next king of England. But among seven pregnancies that ended in miscarriages and stillbirths or produced babies that died shortly after their births, Catherine only gave him one daughter – the future Queen Mary I of Scotland. To Catherine’s horror, Henry was so displeased with her for not producing a male heir that he asked the Pope for an annulment. The Pope didn’t allow it, so Henry rebelled against Rome and started his own church. Although breaking away from the Catholic Church resulted in heresy and excommunication, Henry’s own church, called the “Church of England” enabled him to divorce Catherine. Henry was the head of the Church of England which, eventually forced England to sever ties with, not just the Pope, but most other Catholic countries. It should be noted that during their marriage, Henry had developed severe mental and physical illnesses which contributed to his erratic, tyrannical behavior.

After his divorce to Catherine of Aragon, it was back to business to find a woman who could produce a male heir. Henry married Anne Boleyn. Their marriage didn’t last as long as Henry’s first to Catherine. Anne became enraged at Henry. She was so notorious for her irritability that Henry’s court tried to avoid her. Henry grew so tired of Anne’s strong-willed attitude, he had her beheaded. Anne had many miscarriages with Henry, but she gave birth to a baby girl who later became Queen Elizabeth I.

Jane Seymour became Henry’s third wife immediately after Anne death. Unlike Anne Boleyn, Jane was a quiet and complacent woman who Henry genuinely loved and respected. The king was even more pleased when she gave birth to a baby boy, Edward IV. Henry finally got the male heir he wanted. Unfortunately, after their first year of marriage, Jane died two weeks after giving birth to Prince Edward. Henry was devastated because Jane was the love of his life.

Henry didn’t immediately look for anyone to marry after Jane Seymour’s death but was encouraged to marry for political reasons. A marriage was arranged between him and a noble woman from Germany named Anne of Cleves. Henry disliked her at first sight because she wasn’t nearly as beautiful as reported. She never became pregnant after consummation. Anne and Henry got along well enough, but he made early plans to annul their marriage after six months. Much to Anne’s joy, she was given money and several homes out in the English countryside.

Several weeks after his annulment with Anne, Henry became infatuated with Catherine Howard, a younger member of Anne’s own household. Catherine was a seventeen-year-old promiscuous, conniving girl who won the attention of the king. She attended to his health needs since he was considered old at forty-nine years of age and in increasingly poor health. Unfortunately, Catherine had many affairs with younger men at court. When Henry learned about her betrayal, he had her beheaded.

As Henry grew older, his health continued to deteriorate. Nevertheless, he married one last time. His last wife, Katherine Parr became Henry’s friend. Henry developed many illnesses and she took care of him during his final years. Katherine loved Henry’s children, and showered them with a lot of attention. She loved him and even mourned the great king after his death.

When Henry died in 1547, he had been married thirty-six out of his fifty-six-year life span. England’s most infamous king was no wonderful, loving husband to four of his wives. His strong-willed second wife, Anne Boleyn and wildly promiscuous fifth wife, Catherine Howard were executed. He divorced first wife, Catherine of Aragon, which led to historical changes in Christianity and lost important ties to other European countries. Yet, Henry’s annulment to fourth wife, Anne of Cleves resulted in far fewer consequences, except for the fact she was happy to leave him. Only his third wife, Jane Seymour died a natural death, which King Henry mourned for a long time. His last wife, Catherine Parr was the only wife who actually loved Henry, and mourned him after his death. During his final years of life, Henry ate obsessively and ballooned to 400 pounds. At 56 years old, Henry died a sick, heartbroken monarch who only had three legitimate children from six wives. At least two of them-Mary I and, especially Elizabeth I would later play crucial roles in English history.

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The Girl On The Other Side Of The Mirror

I am not who I see when I look in the mirror, nor was I when I was my most beautiful or thin. So then who am I? I have always been in search of this mystical character that I know resides within. Yet no matter how hard I try sometimes, I can only see a glimmer of her when I am grounded and centered or meditating. I have spent years of my life watching others from the sideline living the life I thought I was meant to have, only to find out that their life was an illusion as well.

I guess my first memory of feeling “different” was at age 5. I desperately wanted a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt velvet jeans. My mother could not afford to buy them, nor could I fit into them the way the other kids did. I was rapidly becoming overweight as a result of my sadness over my father leaving to start a new family with his girlfriend. I was awkwardly one of the tallest girls in the class and 1 of 2 of black students in the whole school other than my brother. As if that wasn’t enough, we were really poor living in one of the riches communities in California; I guess this is where self-loathing begins.

Food became both a confidant and my worst enemy. I spent years struggling for self-control, deciding what I should or shouldn’t eat, or forgoing eating all together. About age 15 I learned that by starving myself I could lose weight quite drastically, but coupled with vomiting it was on! Fortunately for me, where I grew up this type of behavior was not admonished, but admired and encouraged by friends. So, I thought I had found the answer to my problems. While that particular destructive behavior didn’t last long, it was quickly replaced with obsessive workouts, cocaine, crystal meth and promiscuous sex. Come on it was the 80’s for crying out loud!

So to feed the demon I got a job at a local gym, taught aerobics at my high school and sniffed away my desire to eat. By Divine Guidance, I learned a few things while working at the gym, specifically the importance of proper nutrition and exercise. Through the application of a structured program, I could control what I thought to be the uncontrollable. By age 21 I quit all major drug use and was living a healthy lifestyle in Los Angeles. With a new environment and circle of friends I realized that there was nowhere go, I was already there. But I didn’t really understand what that meant in the big picture, but it was a start.

We are on an evolutionary path from the moment of incarnation. Throughout our lives, there seems to be preset markers that enable us to reawaken to a higher level of understanding. What is so evident now is that it was never about the debaucherous behavior or my external appearance, it was about my lack of self-worth. I was stuffing the fear: fear of loneliness; fear of poverty; of not being loved or finding love; most of all fear of more of the same. By continually masking the pain, I couldn’t clear the energy that so desperately wanted to be sent back to the universe as love and forgiveness. The ego has its own agenda, encouraging the subconscious to relive mental imprints of the past in the present situations. They resurface with a slightly different fragrance until healed. These sneaky memories ruminate in the dark corners of our minds just waiting for the next trigger to bring back good old conditioned responses.

Today I confidently stand armed in anticipation of a new revelation, which will help me traverse to the next level of ascension, thus strengthening connection to my higher-self and God. I now actively seek out the spirits that hide in dark corners and feed on my fear. I love them dearly for the lessons they bring, for without them I can’t be me. All the events of my life have brought me to this moment, building strength and courage, so that I may give back to others who are still suffering in silence. So if this resonates, please know that you are not alone. I hear your internal screams, but not with my ears but with my heart. You see, we are all intertwined on some unknown realm awaiting reconnection to each other and our Celestial Source, we just forget the way.

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Release Your Handbrake

The people of Corinth were quite lost. Some members of the congregation were having quite a good time sinning and it was as if the rest simply looked the other way. A child and stepmother were living together as husband and wife. Another man was sexually promiscuous and so many others were also very immoral. Paul said it couldn’t continue. The evil had to be eradicated. Even the non-believers were starting to talk about these wrongdoings.

One of the biggest problems in our lives is that we don’t always know where to draw the line between good and evil. The glasses with which we look at evil are so hazy that we cannot distinguish clearly between what is right and what is wrong. In the world everybody is running after ‘anything goes’ and we justify it so easily. We have become so used to life in the world that what is wrong starts looking right. Eventually, it doesn’t even bother us anymore, because it feels so right.

Each one of us can list things in our own lives that are not according to the will of God, but for one reason or another we succeed in making a space for those things. We look away from the negative impact it has and simply ignore the warning signs.

I think we’re too afraid to look. We’re afraid of the impact it will have on our lives if we have to dig it out and get rid of it. We’re afraid that we’re going to lose something or someone. We’re afraid of being marginalised. We’re afraid of being alone on the outskirts of life. Therefore, we look past it and pretend it doesn’t exist. This is precisely what these people in the church of Corinth did. They simply looked away from the ones having fun with sin.

But what you don’t realise is that it has a negative impact on your life and as a result you miss out on a whole bunch of God’s blessings for you. Therefore, if you are serious about being a child of God and you want to live according to His will, you have to be serious about what is not right. You know what it is. It’s been bothering you for a long time.

Fortunately, there is some consolation: 4… deal with it in the authority of Jesus our Master.

It may look like a mountain to you. Maybe you just want to pull a blanket over it all and get on with your life, because it’s just too difficult to dig it out. It probably feels impossible to do. But it is possible. God will give you the power to do it. God will never leave you alone. God will give you the power to pluck out those weeds from your life. God will guide you to do the right thing.

Therefore, there won’t be a hole in your life when you pull out the weeds. No, God promises to help you fill the hole with the right things. Where something has always held you back in the past and hampered you, new actions will now come to the fore and give you power and energy, actions that you and God can be proud of.

Like a handbrake being let go you will run forward into life with joy and you will sow peace. God helped you get rid of all the wrong stuff in your life. Now you live according to God’s will again. Life is different, because you are different.

Reflection

What is the sin inside you?

Do you believe that God will give you the power to pull it out?

Where do you have to start?

Bible Reading

1 Corinthians 5:1-5

Prayer

Father, I know where the things are that troubles me. I want to get rid of each and every one. I know You don’t want it there either. Thank You for Your promise to help me with this. I want to start working on it right now. I look forward to getting rid of anything that holds me back. Amen

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Women’s Need for Affection Drives Regular Relationship Sex

Sex is so much more rewarding for women when they feel affection for their lover. In the early days a man is more motivated to show his appreciation for a lover by being affectionate. In asking (implicitly or explicitly) for sex a man is asking for a favour. A woman’s affectionate response gives him the confidence to initiate sex. As the affection dies, sex becomes a mechanical exercise for a woman and a man finds it increasingly awkward to suggest sex explicitly or to simply assume it’s on offer. So women’s need for affection drives regular sex within loving relationships.

Sex occurs much more easily in the early stages of a relationship because being affectionate with each other provides the most natural lead-in to sex. First a woman offers some affectionate interaction by touching or kissing her lover. Her lover communicates his desire by kissing back with passion, by touching the woman with an increased focus on the erogenous zones and by indicating his own arousal by pressing his groin against her body.

Some people suggest that couples who enjoy casual nudity are uninhibited. But a woman may avoid nudity if sex becomes focused on satisfying a man’s needs but fails to provide her with the affection she needs. Most usually women want intercourse when they are in love, in the early days of a romance. In this scenario lovemaking is an expression of their love but also it is only a small part of the quality time they spend with a lover.

A woman may instinctively want children but this desire is only indirectly related to sex by responding to a man’s initiative. Women engage in intimate relationships because of their need for affectionate companionship (that is sometimes combined with a desire for sexual activity). In the film ‘Born on the fourth of July’ (1989) playing a young man paralysed from the waist down, Tom Cruise asks “who is going to love me?” Men need sex. But a woman is devastated (not by the prospect of missing out on intercourse over decades but) by the fact that she will never be a mother!

Despite all evidence to the contrary men insist that women must ‘enjoy’ sex exactly as they do. But women do not obtain the same kind of comfort from sex. So women need time to develop the much deeper emotional attachment that helps them justify offering a man intercourse over decades.

If we all had men’s promiscuous instincts there would be no long-term relationships. Someone has to be tied into one person. A woman does this with no ‘sex drive’ at all! Quite something if you think about it! Women may be passive in a genital sense but they have a strong ’emotional drive’.

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Married Men Have Sex More Often Than Single Men Do

In the movie ‘Bad Boys’ (1995) a married cop gives his opinion “That’s what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can’t get none!” Despite the complaints, research indicates that married men have more sex than single men do. Men may look for other pleasures when they pay for sex, but they are usually happy to settle for intercourse with their wives.

A married man has ways of getting sex. He suggests that a woman’s lack of sexual interest proves that she does not love him. He complains that his balls ache if he does not ejaculate regularly. Sperm are invisible to the naked eye so even millions of them do not add up to more than a fraction of a man’s ejaculate. The prostate gland (at the base of the penis) contributes most of the fluid in the semen. The discomfort is due to the tiring of the muscles involved in maintaining an erection. There is no lasting harm.

In the past women were indebted to men for their protection and their children’s. Today if a woman expects a man to hang around and put up with all the emotional trauma of a relationship then she has to incentivise him.

It seems likely that relationships are more likely to last (survive the hurdles that tend to arise over the longer-term) if they are founded in love (a stronger emotional connection) because of the inherent generosity that is involved when one person loves another (as opposed to a relationship based purely on the enjoyment of physical attributes and sexual activities).

In theory a woman could easily offer intercourse to any half-decent man. But most women avoid promiscuity, not just because of pregnancy and disease, but because of the massive taboo over female promiscuity. Despite men’s fantasies of arousing women to orgasm through intercourse, they don’t accept that women might have a sex drive similar to their own.

Men assume they have the right to look elsewhere as if intercourse has no emotional significance for them. But intercourse is vital to a man and he expects a woman to behave as if having sex with him is significant to her.

In the BBC3 documentary ‘Britain in Bed’ (broadcast January 2012) Peter Stringfellow responds to the women protesting outside his club by saying: “The truth is… this (lap dancing) is a male form of entertainment… for men!” Any objective assessment of human sexuality must conclude that while sex may be a frivolous form of entertainment for (at least some) men, it involves a much more serious emotional and relationship commitment for most women. More realistic sex information needs to acknowledge these key differences in our sexual and emotional responses.

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Why Sex Too Soon Can Kill His Desire To Pursue You

Be honest…

Do you have a pattern of sleeping with a man on a first date (or second date) and then you regret it because he stops texting or calling you?

Does your promiscuity evoke feelings of embarrassment, guilt and remorse?

Do you feel devalued and dishearten after you sleep with a guy you barely know-and you worry about contracting STDs?

You went out with a new man. In fact, he’s the most fascinating man you’ve met in a long time. You know nothing about him-but you hop into bed with him.

You didn’t intend to sleep with him but the smoking-hot chemistry drugged you. You invited him into your home for a nightcap, maybe you drank too much, and before you know it, you succumbed to your inebriated animal instincts.

The next morning you cringe at your permissive, unladylike behavior. You worry: Did you do the wrong thing? Will you ever hear from him again? And if he does ask you out again, is he interested in you or is he thinking he can have sex with because he knows you’re “push-over.”

You try to salvage his opinion of you. You call him and you tell him this is not your normal behavior (don’t think for a minute that he buys this) – and then you never hear from him again. Why?

If men want women who like sex, what’s the problem?

Reality check – holding out (for a reasonable length of time) makes a man want you more.

Men are innately competitive. They love a challenge and they love the chase (that intoxicating time BEFORE sexual involvement). The chase intrigues, excites and motivates a man to pursue you.

Men want what they think they can’t have. Some men want to sleep with you to gratify their masculinity (ego); a man who pressures you for sex has had many conquests and if you sleep with him, you will be his newest coup.

A man needs time to develop feelings for a woman. It’s during the “chase” that a man subconsciously forms his initial emotional attachment for you. But if you cave in for sex too soon, he may lose his original interest in you and his motivation for the chase.

Holding out makes you look like “relationship material.”

Men will tell you, there is something about a woman who makes a man wait. In the beginning a man wants to get you between the sheets. They can’t help it; they are genetically wired to reproduce.

A new guy will try to persuade you to sleep with him, but secretly, he is hoping that you will resist his seduction, because if you don’t, in his eyes, your allure and attractiveness diminish.

If you make him wait for intimacy with you, and he truly likes you, his focus will shift from wanting to score with you, to wanting to win your heart – that’s when a man begins to fall in love and he will work passionately to secure you for his very own.

Casual sex creates feelings of self-doubt and regret.

Yes, we are modern, empowered women- and we don’t prescribe to sexual “double standards” (a woman who sleeps around is a sleazy slut, but a man is red-blooded stud); nevertheless, most of the women I know are profoundly affected when they give themselves sexually to a man.

You give your body to a man, but it’s really your soul that you are sharing.

You want to experience love, acceptance and intimacy with man. The chase (a man’s amorous pursuit BEFORE sexual involvement) is your golden opportunity to feel wanted, desired and valued.

You want to believe that your new man will remain committed to your relationship after you have sex with him. The best time to develop trust for a man-and know that he is on the same relationship page-is PRIOR to sexual involvement.

If you succumb to his seduction (before he develops feelings for you) he may pull away because he’s afraid that you are expecting his commitment-and when your fragile relationship disintegrates, you feel deceived, devalued and resentful.

Holding out helps you protect you from heartbreak.

When you sleep with a man, there is a relationship power shift. Before you sleep with him, you are (whether you know it or not) in control of the relationship and he will work hard to win your favor. You are in the catbird seat.

Your new man takes you to dinner, sends you flowers and texts, calls you frequently, and surprises you with gifts. After you sleep with him, the power shifts to him. Suddenly you want him and you need him and your relationship expectations kick in.

If you sleep with on him the first date, you worry: Am I supposed to sleep with him on the second date? You’re afraid if you do, he will definitely think you are a “loose” woman.

If you don’t, your worry that he may think you are a tease or you’re not into to him. If he’s not emotionally invested to you, the odds are, his pursuit will fade-or cease.

Which brings us to the underlying problem…

When you repeatedly sleep with a man, before he is emotionally invested, THE MAN IS NOT THE PROBLEM, regardless of his shortcomings. The problem lies within your low esteem issues and your unwillingness to hold out for a man who will love, respect and commit to you.

Do you fall in love quickly, easily with a man, sleep with him and then he loses interest in you? Discover your value as a woman in God, Please Fix Me! Trilogy.

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